Who needs plans when you have none.

TODAY'S MUSIC: Are you Magnetic? - Faker

So i had some grand plans for my last day of holidays...namely hanging out with my home-slice Chelsea and spending altogether too much of my grocery money on clothing and other such luxuries. Then some kind of red-wine fuelled dining, followed by delicious Newtown gelato. But alas! She was summoned to her wenchy bar job, thus leaving me at a slightly loose end.

Never fear! Today i've already: slept in much too late, gone running to the beach and soaked up some much needed sun, had a shower (!!), watched the oscars, shopped for groceries, and come home with all necessary ingredients to make a feast of cookies to share with...myself. NB: I can't wait until my flat-mate gets back from teaching prac...i'm doing altogether too much talking to my computer, walking around half dressed, pigging out with no one to shame me...

Now i plan to spend the evening baking cookies, cooking ravishing ravioli, watching The Great Gatsby and working out what to wear to uni tomorrow (UTS is a self-esteem raping, fashion-loving, trend-setting tower full of Sydney's most elite fashionista's, hence the comfort-first attire that i've adapted over the holidays needs some prior thought).

EXHIBIT A: The outfit i sport most days of the week.

Jeans from my 'last resort' drawer; hairband worn as bracelet from Coles; Shirt from Blockbuster.

Speaking of Blockbuster, my friend and i at work last night were going through our porn section (it was dead, ok?), and we found some gems that i absolutely had to write down. Some of my favourites included:

• Love me twice (if the first time wasn't enough)
  
• Inside Myself
• Shadows of lust (how sinister)
• Andromina: The Pleasure Planet (bahahah! imagine the places you could go with an outer-space theme...the sky is by no means the limit)
• A fairy's tail (hmmm....the innocent creatures that used to live in the bushes at the bottom of your garden, now appear to live in, well...)
• Hunk Boat (10 shirtless guys. 3 exotic destinations. 1 sea of pleasure)
• Thrust! (personal favourite)

Well on that sumptuous note, i'm off to try and enjoy every last drop of the day before my epic 8 hour return to uni tomorrow.

x.

Reasons why stuff is great.

TODAY'S MUSIC: Something is not right with me - Cold War Kids

AMAZING THINGS:

1. I AM SEEING DYLAN MORAN! LIVE! IN REAL LIFE LIKE! His drunken irish ramblings and violent outbursts have always had a special place in my heart...wow i am stoked beyond belief! Thanks ma!

2. Going back to uni this week....not all that amazing, but will be super to see all my long lost film buddies, and also take on International studies. I will soon be fluent in french, the language d'amour! And eat appropriate amounts of chocolate bread, chocolate milk, and many a phallic baked item.
3. In possession of Ellen's amazing cookie recipe. Have yet to unleash the genius, however am craving some sweet treats, so perhaps after work tonight i'll have a late-night baking sesh. Ohhh yeahhhh.

4. Had an awesome dream last night in which a rogue bag of pasta was trying to kill me. NOT AS FUNNY AS IT SOUNDS! DAMN YOU SAN REMO! Seriously though, brightened my day...just thinkin' about it's little carbohydrate arms and legs...

5. Hilarious looking customers keep coming into work thus making job slightly more entertaining. No jokes, the asian version of Rambo came in the other night, then a dude last night who looked exactly like Il-baba out of Spirited Away...ahhhh sweet mockery!

Anyhoo! Must run to work - the mistress Blockbuster is a harsh master.

x.

A lesson in sleep deprivation.

TODAY'S MUSIC: Tv On the Radio - Wolf like me, A method, Pretty much the whole of Return to Cookie Mountain.

Lately I've been having problems with my sleep, so perhaps a move to New York is in order? (annoying song reference #1). But really, staying up late for no good reason, having people over and not sleeping at all....i'm way too old for this kind of obscene, irresponsible, downright outlandish behaviour. So i decided to review the phenomenon for you, so you can decide for yourself if a life of nocturnal shenanigans....resultant in complete inability to function, is your preferred lifestyle option.

Of course, there are benefits of sleeping less - it increases your time capacity to lurk on facebook, lurk on blogger, or lurk in the dark recesses of the interweb only known to a select few participants on Beauty and the Geek.

It is also a veritable goldmine of tv entertainment - Re-runs of Room for Improvement (where a bunch of pseudo-interior designers fuck with some poor suckers home), Ladette to Lady (my daily inspiration), Autopsy: Life and Death (hope you're keeping down that late-night pizza your ordered), and various psycho religious propaganda.

Aspiring Ladies doing their best to reform their ways.

But the compound effect of all this brain-numbing television and cyber stalking together with a feeble 5 hours sleep, is enough to screw with your severely depleted soul.

After the all-nighter exploits of a few days ago for example, i thought i should get out for some retail therapy. Having no sleep, i was feeling pretty disorientated, so as i walked around Jigsaw and Morrissey, i found myself swaying and trying to keep upright. It must have looked like i was sauntering around the aisles like a big rich knob, when really i was just trying to stop myself falling and cracking my head open on their $1000sq m. marble floor.

Looking like a nutter is only one of the many consequences of lack of sleep. While things may seem kinda funny and ridiculous at the time, rest assured that everyone is probably laughing at you, whether you are perceptive enough to realise it, or not.

So if you are considering joining the dark forces of late-night loonies, be aware that after a few weeks of the sport, you may start eating your own flesh with fatigue-fuelled paranoia..but hey, it's just what you learnt from Autopsy, right?

Sleep Deprivation = 2 stars

Meet your host!

Hello there! While you may be excitedly thinking that you have stumbled across the blog of the dude from the Iron Chef ...unfortunately that is not the case. While we do share many similarities, namely; sporting outdated hairstyles, speaking in an awkwardly loud tone, and biting into foods with vigour, i will never match him in style or charisma.

Nay, what you have found is more like the early literary attempts of Margot Yarborough. (Pssttt she failed at writing, possibly also at life. Seriously, Google 'unsuccessful writers' and she will come up.)

On that note, i'm going to quit the blog loving for tonight, and leave you with some pics of mah mad-ho life, and all the shit that makes me want to bite into a big, dewy capsicum.

Oh Eddie one day we will be together and you will whisper to me in your soft, weasley tones.

In general I'm not fond of American comedians, save Arj Barker the genius man and a few select individuals, but i can't get enough of the Lonely Island and their jizz-worthy tunes.

Yes, Soy Milk may give little boys man-boobs, BUT IT'S STILL SCIENTIFICALLY CONTROVERSIAL, what of it? I enjoy the brown, chalky goodness of this milk-substitute.


Me being a big nerdy dewche. Nuff said.

x.